Today...

Today was the day that my life was forever changed 5 years ago...

Today was the day that I least look forward to every year...

Today was the day that I last saw that sweet face...

Today was the day our precious boy was born and went to be with Jesus...



Today was the day...

5 years...I can't believe it's been 5 years.

I remember every detail of that day...

Sweet Alex,

You have forever changed me.  You have made me who I am today.  This is such a hard month for me, but knowing the grace of GOD gets me thru.  You are still so whole in my heart.  You live there everyday.  I can only imagine the big boy you would be today.  Being silly and sweaty and crazy!  We sent you balloons today for your birthday.  The sky was beautiful seeing them all float up to the Heavens :)  Ryan sent you two of his balloons from his party today.  He said he wanted to send them to Heaven :)  He loves you so much and tells everyone about you.  He just stares at your picture and loves on it.  He's so proud of you!  My heart aches for you, Sweet Boy.  Heaven will be sensational when we see you again...

Guess Who's 4?!?!

Today is Ryan's 4th Birthday!!!

We celebrated by waking him up singing "Happy Birthday" to him!  Then we all got ready and went to have breakfast at one of our favorite little places Papa Bear's.  It was yummy as always!  We let Aidan skip a few classes this morning so he could join us for breakfast.  I totally forgot my camera when we left the house, so no pictures of breakfast. :(

After we took Aidan to school, we went to the park and played and then went to Target so Ryan could pick out a Transformer cartoon movie.  His fave, of course!  And you can't leave Target without their popcorn!

We came home afterwards to let Cole take a nap and Ryan got some Transformer movie action. 

Ryan had an appointment to get his haircut, so that was next on the agenda.  He has to look spiffy for his party on Saturday, ya know!

Our family met us at Chili's for dinner and we all had a great time!

My handsome birthday boy!

Little brother, Cole :)

Big brother, Aidan :)

Cole thinks Mimi hung the moon!

There's that SMILE!

We had cupcakes for dessert!

The servers came and sang to Ryan and he was so embarrased!  It was so funny!!!

Daddy and Ryan had fun "icing" each other's noses!

Pretty sure Cole liked his cupcake ;)

Goofy boy!

Our family of 5! 

I think this might be the first picture of all 5 of us together?

WOW.  That's sad...I need to do better :(



We had such a fun day and Ryan really enjoyed it!  This was the first year that he really understood and it made it so much more fun!  His party is Saturday, so I can't wait to celebrate again!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RYAN ALEX!

Bittersweet

This month is really weighing heavy on my heart. We are quickly approaching Ryan's 4th birthday and the 5 year anniversary of Alex's birth and death. 

I am so excited planning Ryan's party, but sad thinking of how silly Alex would be and how big he would be getting.  He would be able to play t-ball this year and he would be getting ready to start Kindergarten in the fall. 

This is such a bittersweet month for me.  The emotions and the grief start to flood my heart, and then I try to think about how lucky we are to have had Ryan.  Without the loss of Alex, there would be no Ryan.  GOD had the perfect plan.  We get to spend eternity with both of them :)

Roy and I were in Killeen the other day, and on our way home we stopped in Temple at Scott & White Hospital to visit the Healing Garden and see the brick dedicated to our sweet boy.  It was so peaceful and calming there, and so pretty.  It felt good to know that all who visit there get to see our baby's name :)

Here are just some random silly pictures I found on my phone!  Crazy boys!

Aidan and Ryan with their 3-D glasses - minus the lenses!

My handsome almost 4 year old!

And this sweet baby boy!